He Burped, She Screamed

Tag lines, what are they?

“I don’t want to,” he said.

“Well, too bad,”  she chirped

“You can’t make me,” he groaned.

“I’ll sit on your face if you don’t,” she laughed.

“I hate you,” he sneered.

“Yeah, but you love me, too,” she pouted.

See the pattern?  I did this on my first manuscript years ago.  I hang my head for the poor agent that waded through that first draft and pointed it out.  So what’s the protocol for tag lines?  One per page is preferred. Two is okay from time to time.  Three is pushing it.  And anything more is just tripping up your pacing.

When you have a conversation between two people you can usually follow who is speaking.  One good way to point out who is talking is have them perform an action.

“I don’t want to.”  Jimmy turned his back on her.

“Well, too bad.”  Sarah held up the needle and tested the plunger.  A clear liquid spurted out and dribbled down the side.

His face drained of blood as he watched.  “You can’t make me.”

“I’ll sit on your face if you don’t.”  She giggled with memories of playing football with him as children.  He was mortified she could wrestle him down and crush his face with her bony butt.

Hopefully this helps those of you getting started writing.  Good Luck!